Hey Danger fans, I have been away from the internet postings for quite a while but have come back with this brief post because I found something funny I wanted to share. Looking through the April 24, 1913 edition of the San Francisco Bulletin (as I do) I came across the following article.
It's always interesting to come across these things that make me realize how much my cultural and historical frame of reference influences my understanding of things. It sucks that Hitler took this totally sweet and positive internationally used symbol and turned it into something horrible that we can never use again and have it mean anything other than intolerance. It is really too bad because it apparently makes for the name of a kickass basketball team.
Editing of this historical news article was brought to you today by Kane Lynch. You can find other visually appealing items by Kane Lynch at www.kanelynch.com. But don't take my word for it... Ba dum bum!
That's all for today, see you next time on the blog... If there is a next time...
I got a rather nasty comment on my last post (not you Josh, yours was cool) that made me come to the sad realization that some people simply do not know how to take a joke. For this reason, I have decided to devote this post entirely to jokes. There will be no politics, no sarcastic outrage, only comedy. And not comedy in the sense of humorous anecdotes or satire, just old fashioned cheesy jokes. So, without further ado, here are a few examples of my take on classic joke formats. You may have heard some of them if you have hung around me recently, but others will be new and undoubtedly hilarious. Enjoy! Share them with your friends!
I will start off with a classic "what do you call" joke. I actually made this up a couple of years ago, but I still find it hilarious. You will too:
Question: What do you call two forwards on the USSR national soccer team? Answer: A Pair-A-Strike-ahs! (get it, like Perestroika, the Soviet economic plan under Gorbachev)
Here are a few good "guy walks into a bar" jokes I made up recently. The "guy walks into a bar" joke is a classic. What's that guy doing in that bar? I bet some crazy hijinks are afoot:
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer." The bartender says, "What kind do you want?" The guy says, "Oh, I don't care, surprise me." So then the bartender pours him a beer and hands it to him. The guy sits there and takes a few sips and then looks down towards the end of the bar and sees a guy wearing a gray suit with an American flag lapel pin and a red tie. The guy thinks to himself, "Oh my god, that's George W. Bush!" So then the guy gets really excited and he asks the bartender, "Hey bartender, is that Bush?" Bartender says, "No, it's a Coors."
This one is a variation on the previous joke for those of you who are more into hard alcohol:
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, says to the bartender, "Give me a rum and coke." So the bartender mixes the drink and hands it to him. The guy pays the bartender, takes a few sips, and then looks down towards the end of the bar and thinks he sees William Shatner. So then he gets really excited and asks the bartender, "Hey bartender, is that Captain Kirk?" Bartender says, "No, it's Captain Morgan."
And then, here is a good old fashion historical pun-based "guy walks into a bar" joke:
John Sutter walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here, we don't serve miners!" (Get it, like "minors." Hilarious. However, though John Sutter owned Sutter's Mill, where gold was first found during California's gold rush, I am not sure of how much mining he actually did personally. This joke would obviously work better with someone who was an actual miner, but I could not think of anyone else famous enough. I suppose you could say, "Derek Zoolander's dad walks into a bar," that would work as well, but may require more explanation.)
Then there's this one, which is a long but effective Airplane joke. The airplane joke, though not a format of its own, is a very common subject matter of the classic annoy-your-friends joke. Sometimes you have to say you are on the plane with the guy for the joke to work. This one can go either way:
So a guy gets on an airplane, puts his luggage in the overhead compartment, sits down, puts on his seatbelt and kind of zones out for a while. All the regular airplane stuff happens; the flight attendant gives the safety demonstration, points out the exits on each side of the plane, and then everything settles down and the plane starts getting ready for take off. The plane taxis down the runway, takes off, and starts lifting off the ground higher and higher until it reaches cruising altitude. Then the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign and the flight attendant starts coming around the cabin for drink orders. She goes up the row one by one until she finally gets to the guy and she asks, "What can I get you to drink?" The guy thinks about it for a while and says, "You know, I would really like a cup of coffee, can you give me a cup of coffee?" The flight attendant says, "I'm sorry sir, can't do that, we only have ground coffee."
Ha ha ha. Well those certainly were funny. Feel free to use them as much as you like.
The interesting thing that I have found about jokes is that they seem to be more effective the more drawn out you make them. Take that last joke, you could just skip from the guy getting on the airplane to the punch-line, but then there is no buildup and less of a payoff. A spoken joke is like a murder mystery, but instead of finding out who the killer is at the end you get a crappy pun. There needs to be time for the audience to think they know what is going on before you pull the rug out from under them and tell them it was Kevin Spacey the whole time (oh shit, did I ruin that for someone?). This is especially important in jokes like my airplane joke. This isn't necessarily that funny, but after the long setup people almost trick themselves into laughing to convince themselves that their time has not been wasted.
Anyway, those are my jokes, use them at your own risk. I think this is an interesting experiment because you always hear jokes like these but you never know where they come from. But for these, you know exactly where they came from, they came 100% from my comedic genius. So, spread them around and with any luck I will be sitting in a bar someday and I will overhear someone saying "No, it's a Coors," to the response of half-hearted chuckles and annoyed groans. And then I will know my gift to the world is complete.
When will the political blogs stop? When I damn well feel like it.
This post will be somewhat about the election but also about the American society in general and my thoughts on our values and ideals. By now you have undoubtedly heard of all the crap coming out from various voices of the Republican Party talking about “anti-American” places or individuals in our country. First Sarah Palin gave that comment about the “pro-American” parts of the country and then there was that neo-McCarthyist statement by congresswoman Michele Bachmann on Hardball the other night. I started this post a few days ago, so by now Jon Stewart has already outwitted me on the subject numerous times, but I had this sitting around on my computer, and really this blog is more about my own frustrations and need to produce something constructive than actually serving as a relevant news source, so I thought I would post it anyway.
Needless to say, it is getting pretty ugly out there with the continuous baseless smears (or “calumny” as Kaplan GRE prep has taught me). So, in this atmosphere of hate mongering and political poop flinging, I have decided to throw some shit of my own. Here are two contributions I would like to add to the political discussion.
1. John McCain is a Communist
Sound like an outrageous claim? Well it probably is. But I see this accusation as having much more of a factual base than any of the smears being thrown at Barack Obama these days. Hopefully I will be able to convince you in the next few paragraphs.
Ever since Wednesday’s debate and all the Joe the Plumber bullshit, John McCain has been speaking out against Barack Obama’s tax policy as “socialist.” Now I was under the impression that the enactment of the 16th Amendment in 1913 stated fairly clearly that taxing income is in fact an American ideal and has allowed for us to pay for things we hold dear to our way of life, like roads, schools, preemptive wars, and 700 billion dollar Wall Street bailouts. But that is neither here nor there. As you may have guessed, my ideals are fairly leftist and I do not see anything inherently wrong with certain aspects of socialism. In fact, the welfare state system that has provided much of Western Europe with beneficial government-run social welfare programs can be considered a type of socialism, and I believe that despite recent globalization problems, these programs have run fairly successfully and are even seen as essential rights by many Europeans. So even if Barack Obama’s policies were somewhat socialistic I would not really care. However, I do believe that this point attempted by the McCain campaign is fallacious (as is the bulk of the campaign in general). In fact, as stated in this recent article of the Chicago Tribune, even socialists themselves do not see Obama’s policies as resembling socialism. In my opinion, if anyone is to be accused of being socialist or communist I believe it should be John McCain himself.
And now I will tell you why this makes sense. Anyone with a rudimentary understanding of the works of Karl Marx will know that the execution of the communist utopia requires first a worsening of class divisions towards a breaking point, what Marx called the “immiseration of the proletariat.” At the point where the pressures of capitalism have driven down wages to a level where the worker is no longer able to support himself and his family on the money he earns as an industrial laborer, the proletarian class then gains a “class consciousness,” seizes the means of production, and initiates a “dictatorship of the proletariat.” I am no expert on Karl Marx, but my brief exposure to his theories has given me this basic understanding of the Marxist historical model.
Taking into account the above-stated Marxist model, it is my belief that it is not Barack Obama but John McCain who will do more to initiate a communist revolution in the United States. Whereas Obama looks to give tax breaks to the lower and middle classes to lessen the gap between rich and poor in the United States, McCain’s tax cuts for corporations seem to continue on the same lines of George W. Bush in increasing this gap. If this gap continues to widen, in following the Marxist model, we will see a development of class-consciousness by the proletariat and a seizure of the means of production, initiating the first steps of the communist revolution. Essentially, in the traditional Marxist understanding, the revolutions of Lenin and Mao were premature, trying to create a communist society before the true immiseration of the proletariat. To achieve the sort of revolution that Marx was talking about, a society needs to have sufficiently shitty conditions that the mass of people would see no other way but to overthrow the current conditions and institute a classless society. It is my belief that this revolution will be much better served by four more years of war and economic destruction by a McCain presidency.
So, perhaps McCain is not directly a communist, but his policies do more readily prepare for the revolution of the proletariat than do Barack Obama’s. It’s like mixing up flour, eggs, butter, and milk in a big mixing bowl and leaving it next to the stove, and then another guy comes along and says, “Oh sweet, pancake batter! It’s flapjack time!” I mean, technically you didn’t make the flapjacks but you created the conditions in which flapjacks could be made. So, my point is that if I were a true Marxist (and by this I mean not the Leninist vanguard party model, but the longer immiseration-style Marxism) I would say John McCain is the way to go for bringing about the revolution. Because I have clearly expressed a preference for Barack Obama you can go ahead and assume I am not a communist (and feel free to report that message to Joe McCarthy or Sarah Palin if they come asking about me).
2. Why should I care about pro-Americanism or Bill Ayers?
Seriously, I think this is a question that needs to be raised. Now don’t get me wrong, I love America. I am all for the American dream and I feel that the ideals articulated in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution did great things for the development of modern democratic ideals. But, I see no need to adopt the rhetoric that “America is the best country in the world.” I mean, to rationally dissect this statement leads to the obvious question, how does one measure what is the “best country”? And while we are at it, what is the second best country? Why don’t we just rank all the countries in order of best to worst and then go from the bottom wiping out all the worst countries until it’s just us left? OK, I realize this point hits a little too close to home as it is essentially the text of the Bush Doctrine. What I’m trying to say is that simply asserting over and over again that the United States is the best country in the world takes away our ability to look rationally at the situation and decide what we need to do to improve, what could make us a better country.
This is why I don’t understand when people get all up in arms about things like Michelle Obama saying that this is the first time in her adult life she remembers being proud of her country. That to me is a logical, well-reasoned statement. I mean for one to say that they are proud of the policies of the United States in the last four years, or even the last eight years excluding the brief coming together period after 9/11, is to me complete lunacy. Nearly everyone (even John McCain since the end of the primaries) believes that we are worse off now than eight years ago, so why not be able to state it outright rather than doing this political pussy footing bullshit where we talk about how great America is while simultaneously watching it fall apart? I think we should be able to have a reasoned discussion and say, “the United States is a pretty good country, but it has had some slip-ups and we need to do things to make it better.” Simply asserting that we love our country is not going to help us fix anything.
Continuing on this thread of liberals being "anti-American," I would like to put in my thoughts about this Bill Ayers crap that has been going on for the past few weeks. I realize that you are all probably sick of this as I am myself, but I want to raise a few points on this.
First of all, I don’t really see the point that the McCain campaign is trying to make by bringing this up. They are obviously not saying that Barack Obama led any of the Weather Underground bombings, so why is it relevant at all? I mean the guy is not some fugitive on the loose that Obama is harboring in his house; he is a professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago. There was an investigation for his crimes, he was pardoned, now he is supposed to be a normal citizen of the United States. What the McCain campaign is doing is essentially double jeopardy, which is supposed to be illegal in this country.
Secondly, I’m annoyed with the McCain campaign and the mainstream media as well, for never bothering to explain what it is that Bill Ayers actually did. The McCain campaign just keeps saying, “domestic terrorist Bill Ayers,” which leads the public who may be too young or not remember the exact facts of 1969-1975 to think up whatever wild ideas they want to about Bill Ayers. Furthermore, the fliers and robocalls distributed by the McCain campaign, state that Ayers was involved in a campaign of terrorism and that he “killed American citizens.” Well technically, this is true. Technically. I have not studied the subject in depth, but as far as my brief research has told me, the only citizens that the Weather Underground killed were other members of the Weather Underground. In March 1970, a bomb the group was constructing in their Greenwich Village safe house went off prematurely and killed Weather Underground members Diana Oughton, Ted Gold, and Terry Robbins. Though these individuals were American citizens and it must have been a tragic event for their friends and families, to say that the Weather Underground killed American citizens is not exactly telling an accurate depiction of the truth. And after the Greenwich Village incident, the group announced each of their attacks ahead of time, specifically to avoid civilian casualties. It may seem like a moot point, but seeing that McCain has lied about so many other aspects of his campaign I don’t see why he would do it on this point, where it is not even necessary. In this context, saying that Bill Ayers’s organization killed American citizens is kind of like in Star Wars when Obi Wan tells Luke that Darth Vader killed his father. I mean, he can argue that it is true and you kind of agree with him, but underneath you are still thinking, “you tricky bastard Obi Wan.” It seems like an argument that is almost as specious as my “John McCain is Communist” claim (see above). Having said this, if anyone knows of any other individuals killed by Weather Underground attacks please let me know.
So there is my take on the political happenings of the week. Reading all the election news just makes me angry and yet I cannot look away. I hate it and love it at the same time.
I realize that probably 95% of my readership is already on the Obama side, so my liberal rantings do not serve much of a purpose, but I hope what I say is at least entertaining. And I know what you are thinking, “95%? How can that figure be accurate with no more than 10 people actually reading this blog?” But ah, dear reader, you are forgetting about the Half-Cat Man. His man side is staunchly Obama, but the cat side has decided to support McCain, citing the following video as proof that liberals are pro-canine and therefore do not represent his core values.
Two posts in two days, no way! I know, you are speechless. Anyway, I thought I would correct a comment I made last night with another post. I have learned that Palin has now in fact done 3 interviews, as I recently learned of an interview by Katie Couric on CBS Evening News. I will embed it below. Beware, she is as dimwitted and shortsighted as ever.
Wow, horrific. She has this Manichaean way of looking at the world with specific "good guys" and "bad guys" that reminds me so much of George W. Bush. I have news for you Sarah Palin, it's not always that simple. And I'm not saying that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is necessarily a reasonably thinking individual either, or that we shouldn't keep an eye on what Iran is doing, but when you demonize something in the way that Palin has been doing it often has a way of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy (see Iraq circa 2003). So for that, I am frightened. Also, I am pleased to see that she is still referencing her proximity to Russia as foreign policy experience. I would have thought she would want to get as far away as possible from that statement since everyone else in the world sees it as a joke.
But, there is good news today for the election as well. News outlets have reported this morning that John McCain has agreed to participate in tonight's debate! I for one am pumped for some candidate on candidate action. I can't wait to see what goes down tonight. Also, after my shock from last night at the tie in the polls, this morning Barack Obama is back ahead 48% to 45%. Whew. That was close.
Well, I told myself I wasn't going to have another angry political post but John McCain called my bluff.
So John McCain says he's not going to debate. What a baby. If the old analogy is true and politics is a chess game, McCain's chosen move seems to be to kick over the board when his king is in check. Or a similar move that my friends and I would use when playing video games in junior high: when about to lose a game on Nintendo 64 one simply runs up to the console, flips the power switch and shouts "no proof!"
Really, I can't believe this. McCain is making a mockery of American politics. The nationally televised debate has been a fixture of the presidential campaign since the Kennedy/Nixon debate in 1960 and McCain is saying that he can just change the rules? I honestly don't believe for a second that his call to suspend campaigns because of the economic crisis holds water. Yes, on the surface this seems like a noble gesture to "focus on the nation" when we are in a time of crisis. But how are having two senators who have been heavily campaigning for the past few months and have been out of direct Congressional action have such a major effect on the policy decision? Also, everything I have read since McCain's announcement yesterday has said that, for at least the Democratic side, Congress DOESN'T WANT THEM THERE. And who can blame them, who would want to have a presidential photo op in the middle of their Congressional debate? It really doesn't make sense. Also, as brought up by the Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell, "Does McCain think Congress will be in session at 9 o'clock Friday night?" (This statement is from an article in the New York Times. I would link it but I can't find the article right now. Sorry).
I may be slightly partisan, but I agree with Obama's statement that this is exactly the time when America needs to hear from the presidential candidates the most. Shouldn't we get a chance to hear how the men we are electing to run our country plan to deal with this economic situation? You should really watch Obama's recent video after McCain's announcement. And lucky for you, I just learned how to embed video, so you get to see it right on this page! See you in approximately seventeen minutes.
Wow wee, technology is fun. Anyway, as you have seen from the video, Obama makes the point that there are only 40 days left in this campaign and it is time that the American people finally see the candidates face to face talking about the actual issues. There has been too much personal crap and emphasis on character in this election. We are talking about Obama's religious beliefs, McCain's war record, and Palin's son's hockey games while meanwhile the country is going to shit. I for one am pissed. And I have been waiting with bated breath for these debates for weeks. Why do I care so much, you ask? Because I have a belief that the debates will uncover once and for all the lies and sleight-of-hand tricks that the McCain campaign is run on. And from McCain's avoidance of the debate I can tell the McCain camp feels the same way. You can talk all you want about how much ass you're going to kick before you get in the ring, but once you're in the ring no one's going to help you. You're gonna have to box or get knocked out.
McCain is trying to find another option, an option where he can continue talking without ever having to fight. This to me is unacceptable and an insult to the American political system (I'm pretty sure I used that line in the last post, but McCain is bringing out the redundancy in me). McCain is trying to use this economic crisis to his advantage and trying to skirt by without showing the American people what he is really made of.
...But wait, there's more. Did you think I could go through an entire ranting political post without talking about Sarah Palin? Being my arch-nemesis and the devil herself, I am obligated to bring the Ice Queen into this post somewhere. So here's the kicker: McCain wants to reschedule the first presidential debate for the night of the Vice Presidential debates were scheduled! Oops, sorry I guess Sarah Palin won't have to answer any questions, oh well. I mean I can't believe this! Sarah Palin has been a Vice Presidential candidate for a month and done all of two interviews, one of which being with Sean Hannity, which was little more than a Republican circle jerk (pardon the term, but seriously, Hannity's hard hitting questions went along the lines of, "Sarah, why do you think *insert policy issue or character flaw* makes Barack Obama a bad presidential candidate?" It was ridiculous). The American people need to hear what kind of an imbecile this woman is next to Joe Biden. Oh yes, remember Joe Biden? You know, the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee? Yeah, he's still running for vice president. The fact that the McCain/Palin campaign is exhibiting so much secrecy before they even get in office makes me very scared for the future.
And what's worse is that this avoidance tactic is working. As part of my obsessing over this presidential election I check Gallup.com every day for the latest polls. Obama has had a lead in the polls for the last week and a half, reaching as high as a 50% to 44% margin. Since McCain's announcement yesterday that he was calling off the campaign and the debate "for the sake of the nation," the polls are dead even 46% to 46%. It worked. Excuse me while I go weep for America.
Man, remember back in 2000, when McCain was the Maverick, the moderate Republican that Democrats could like, the man that would go across the aisle and fight for what he believed in no matter what his party's platform was? It makes me sad just thinking of it. I've been thinking about this transition for awhile and it made me wonder, when did this happen? When did the man I believed in who epitomized the possibility of compromise in American politics turn into the John McCain that will do any crazy stunt possible to pander to the Republican base? Well, last night I found what I believe to be the exact moment. Below you will find a clip from an episode of the Daily Show on April 4, 2006. In this clip, Jon Stewart interviews John McCain about his decision to give the commencement speech at Liberty University, the university founded by rightwing fundamentalist Jerry Fallwell, a man who McCain had once labled an "agent of intolerance." Stewart questions McCain on his action, clearly in disbelief that a man who was such a great friend to the Daily Show and a symbol of the rational center of American politics could make such a partisan move. The most telling part of the clip is towards the end when Stewart asks McCain if he is pandering to the fundamentalist Republican base saying, "are you going into crazy base world?" McCain answers candidly, "I'm afraid so."
Well John McCain, I'm sorry you had to do it. You were a good man with honest politics and I'm sad to see you go so far against what you once believed in.
And I will leave you with that readers. Perhaps my next post will be less angry, perhaps not. It certainly is easier to write what you feel and what I feel right now is an intense anger about the direction in which our country is going. Until next time, keep your heads down, and I wish America the best in the coming weeks.
So as you may or may not have noticed, there has been a bit of a delay in my blogging. You could blame this on my being lazy but you would only be half right. Actually, my life has been quite busy for the last two weeks following polls and reading every news report on the elections that I can find on the internet. So yes, with this blog post I am joining the road of every other liberal blogger and opinion writer in America and putting in my two cents on the election. And let me tell you, with all the hours and hours of work I have put in following the election coverage this week I am left with one question for America. In fact this is the same question I asked a female friend of mine (I will spare her full name in case the Federal government is watching my internet usage, which I assume they will be soon if they are not already) one fateful evening when she introduced me to the womanizing-theater-douche-of-a-man that she had once been interested in. This question being:
"Really? This guy?"
I mean seriously America, John McCain? For me the presidential election is not even a question and I cannot fathom why according to the most recent Gallup polling data, Obama/Biden is still two percentage points behind Tweedle Dee/Tweedle Dumb (though I am still working out which one is more deserving of the title of "Tweedle Dumb"). I mean really America? Is party identity that important? It seems to me like we have a ticket with two legitimately viable candidates, an inspiring intelligent young Senator with real policy ideas who looks to improve the lives of Americans and an established Senator who has extensive experience with foreign relations, versus a ticket with an incompetent war hawk who has spent the last eight years abandoning every policy stance he once held to get in good with the Republican party and a woman whose only qualifications seem to be that she comes from a state that borders the Bering Sea and her son plays hockey, making her a "pitbull in lipstick."
Oh yes I can't forget that. That witty little quip that made me cringe ("Really? This woman?") and the Republican base cheer. But I will do you one better, Sarah Palin. Here it goes America:
Question: What's the difference between John McCain and a prostitute? Answer: John McCain doesn't wear a wig
Yes, the self-proclaimed "Maverick" has sold himself to the Republican Party. And the price? The American people. I for one am livid and terrified with McCain's choice of vice president. It shows that the old man wants to be president so bad that he would put America in grave danger to get it. Just watch the guy on any interview and you will see that even he cannot logically explain why he chose Sarah Palin as his running mate without mentioning lies or the fact that her state is "right next to Russia." Good God. Really? By this reasoning, the mayor of my home town, is just as qualified to be president because he must have intricate knowledge of political dealings with Mexico. In fact I have studied the maps of Alaska and California (yes it has been a sad week) and I am quite certain that San Luis Obispo is closer to Mexico than Wasilla is to Russia. So with that I am pleased to announce Mayor Dave Romero's candidacy for president. Yay! Romero '08! Ro-Mer-O! Ro-Mer-O!
But Seriously. We all know the reason he did it, and you can find this argument on many conservative message boards and facebook walls all over the internet: "but dude, she's hot." Yes dude, she is hot, and somehow this is supposed to translate into leadership abilities and foreign policy skills. Yes America, her tits will save the economy, end the energy crisis, and stop global warming. To me, this decision seems like the last act of a man who always wanted to be president and is so close that he will do anything to get into the White House. To quote the great political theorist, Matt Damon, in this interview, "it is absurd."
Now I know why John McCain did it, but what I cannot get my mind around is how America could buy this load of crap. No, this isn't politics as usual, this isn't even politics. This is tantamount to giving the keys to your new Porsche to a chimpanzee wearing a blindfold. We are running a beauty contest, or better yet, a high school popularity contest, for the most powerful position in the Western World. But I digress. Back to the question at hand: why America, why? I cannot understand how this disaster actually gave McCain a boost in the polls that has yet do go back down to its pre-convention level. I have heard the argument that she is "real," that she is "just a normal American," that she isn't "elitist" like Barack Obama. People like the fact that Sarah Palin makes them feel that "anyone can be president." Once again I must ask, "Really?" I for one do not want to think that just anyone can be president. I don't think I am capable of running the United States and neither would I trust the bulk of Americans with that position. This is what the whole election process is about. If we thought anyone could be president we would just draw a name out of a hat and say, "ah yes, this year the president will be Porky Pig. Good luck Porky. See you guys in four years, th-th-th-that's all folks!" But no, we don't do this. We have this long and intense process to decide who can be the president because it is an important job that cannot be trusted to just anyone (the last eight years notwithstanding).
What I am trying to get at in this rant is that I believe the McCain/Palin ticket to be making a mockery of American institutions and attempting to destroy the once-great democracy that was the United States of America. I believe that at this moment George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklin Roosevelt are rolling in their graves, outraged at what has become of their office. I honestly believe that if McCain and Palin are elected, the American experiment as we know it is over. We will go the way of the Mongols, the Romans, and the Ottomans; great states that fell by the wayside as other states took over. Actually, that would be fine. Decline is part of the natural process of states. What I am predicting is something far more sinister than that and I hope you will bear with me and not see me as some nutty conspiracy theorist.
In the past few weeks my resident German history scholar and I have been discussing the appalling correlations with the developments of our present conditions and those of the fall of Weimar Germany. In fact, a man named Lawrence Britt has identified 14 characteristics of fascism that I have found correlate eerily closely with our present leadership. I encourage you to check them out here... no here... no right here. Included in this list are such aspects as "powerful and continuing nationalism," (we call it "patriotism" now) "obsession with national security," ("bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb Iran") "religion and government are intertwined," (I believe that calling the war on Iraq part of "God's Plan" fits in here) and "controlled mass media" (ie Fox news). Seriously, it's scary.
And I have watched the reports on the Daily Show and the Colbert Report and other late night talk shows and have laughed at the incompetence of the Republican nominees, but I am done laughing. I find how close these people are to being president seriously disturbing. I care too much for the real American values to sit back and laugh while this happens. I am not talking about these "small town values" that the Republicans are pushing, but the real American values of liberty, freedom, individuality, things that are represented in a couple small insignificant documents called the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights. It is funny to laugh at the mess ups and ignorant baffles of these candidates, but it is terrifying to think that they are still out-polling Barack Obama and Joe Biden. On this point I will leave you with a quote from Hannah Arendt, refering to the early days of Nazism. Arendt's account shows the liberal media making quips and charicatures of the Nazi leaders while they gained more and more power: "We young students did not read the newspapers in those years. George Grosz's cartoons seemed to us not satires but realistic reportage: we knew those types; they were all around us. Should we mount the barricades for that?"
Sorry to get all doom and gloom on you like that, but I had to share my feelings and fears for the coming weeks. If the unthinkable happens and we somehow elect John McCain and Sarah Palin as president and vice president, I will know that America has truly embraced fear and hatred over freedom, and the United States of America I was taught in school will be if not dead, seriously incapacitated.
But, I hope it will not come to that. I am holding out for the lies of John McCain and Sarah Palin to be identified and chastised by the nation. I hope that America can get over the problem of race and elect the right man for the job. I am counting on the presidential and vice presidential debates to show flat out the incompetence of the Republican ticket when matched with the abilities of the Democrats and sway the nation in Obama/Biden's favor once and for all.
I guess only time will tell. On starting this blog I was not intending for it to be overly political, but I just had to get these feelings out. There may be more of this in the future if I see it necessary to write about. Thanks for bearing with me. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get back to my news sites.
So, the Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival has come and gone and I know what you have all been wondering. You have been sitting in your homes thinking, “What did Danger Potential think of the festival? What was his reaction to the musical event of the summer and the first night concert in the history of Golden Gate Park?” Well, I will keep you waiting no longer.
First, let me just say, Radiohead was awesome. Radiohead definitely rocked the crowd of 70,000 and was a great end to the night. So great that it almost made up for the rest of the festival. Almost.
As I anticipated, the scheduling of the concert was a problem and I was not able to see the Black Keys at all. Instead I opted to “watch” Beck. I say “watch” because the organization of the stage made this a very difficult task indeed. The stage was too low to actually see over the heads of the people from the ground so we sat on a hill, but were kept far away by the fenced off “VIP” section, so we could see a miniscule Beck, who I believe was wearing a cowboy hat. The effect was similar to listening to a live album with 30,000 of my closest friends and half-hour long beer lines.
On top of that, the concert was ridiculously oversold and gave me the feeling that I was in some sort of a highly orchestrated social psychology experiment (this being an attempt at a more clever way of saying that I felt like “a rat in a maze,” or better yet “a rat in a cage,” despite all my rage…). So that was kind of a bummer, especially trying to get to Radiohead and trying to leave Golden Gate Park afterward.
Anyway, I would go on and on about this but seeing as the concert has now been over for quite some time and much of my rage has dispersed. Also, I realize that the whole idea of the blog is to keep current with news, and the Outside Lands Festival is no longer current. So I will end my rant with this email conversation between myself and Aaron Axelsen, music director at the Bay Area radio station, Live 105 (FM 105.3). I was listening to his show and heard him praising Another Planet for its production at the Outside Lands Festival and became so outraged that I had to express my feelings in a way that only the internet can provide: an angry yet respectful email. Anyway, this is the conversation that followed. He’s actually a really nice guy and wrote me back.
OK, here is my email:
Aaron,
I heard your comment about the Outside Lands Festival on your radio show a few minutes ago and I just wanted to set straight your perception of the concert. I don't know what you saw from the VIP section, but as a general admission customer I was disappointed and even angered by the organization of the festival, especially the sets you mentioned (Beck and the Cold War Kids). In fact I was disappointed to the extent that I was literally offended by your "kudos" comment to Another Planet Entertainment. All of the headlining bands were scheduled at the same time so we were not able to get our money's worth and for the Sutro concerts in particular the stage was too low to even see Beck or the Cold War Kids over the heads of the other concert-goers. I just wanted to let you know this because I felt that by encouraging Another Planet Entertainment you are just encouraging further shittiness in the future. This is not meant to offend you, only to inform you of what the rest of us experienced.
Sincerely,
David
And here is Aaron's reply:
thanks david for the feedback, i appreciate it.
make sure you email someone over at another planet with your unfortunate experience on Friday so they can use it as ammo to work out these wrinkles and deliver an even better outside lands festival in 2009.
a pretty ambitious effort for another planet and yes, even from the VIP section i still had to venture out into the masses to the other stages for sets by Beck and Cold War Kids, but i still stand my support of these local 'independent' promoters for overall, brining something utterly epic and grandiose to san Francisco. (i spent at least 50% of Friday and Saturday outside the VIP section)
i agree that it wasn't flawless or plagued by various problems by any stretch of the imagination BUT maiden voyages for massive music festivals usually aren't. (i.e. the first Coachella i went to in October of '99 was riddled with problems and catastrophic sound issues, etc, but they stuck with it!)
with your permission, i'll personally forward your email to the event organizers as i feel your objective and constructive feedback will be beneficial in helping improve next years efforts
thank you for listening to soundcheck, too
sincerely,
aaron axelsen
I replied encouraging him to forward my email to Another Planet so I could get my feedback heard. Anyway, I was really impressed that he took the time to respond. Also, you guys should listen to his show "Soundcheck" on Sunday nights because it is really the only thing worth listening to on Live 105. I have yet to hear him play Sublime.
So this ends my saga with the Outside Lands Music Festival (for this year at least). In conclusion, it was disappointing, but Radiohead was cool. I probably could have said that in less words.
